So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
