i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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