i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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