Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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