I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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