based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
