and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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