those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
