I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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