What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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