I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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