he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
3 2 1 whiskey
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
