I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is my gift to your gina
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I want is dick and wine.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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