and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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