He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
