If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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