if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
