My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
