You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i will never coherently bang her
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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