guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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