Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
