i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
