if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
