Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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