nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Girls should come with a carfax report
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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