I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
