Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Alive.
So much puke
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
