Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
