covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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