I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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