i can't believe i had my finger in that
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
