my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
