Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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