Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
