like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
