You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
