you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
