Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
