how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize