Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want a musical about memes.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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