don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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