I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
