The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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