did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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