I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
