Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
