I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
