You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
