The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
