If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Where did you get a picture of my penis
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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