Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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