Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
