I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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