You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
