I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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