you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
