Non-Jews are for practice
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
