WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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