i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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