I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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