I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
