I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We have so much sex to catch up on
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
