Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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