i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
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Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
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Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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