Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
