i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
