I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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