just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
