is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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