If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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