the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
