so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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