I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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