i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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