my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
