I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Life is so much better after having sex.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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